What can be said about type 1 bipolar disorder.
Some days it's like things trying to claw their way out of your skin!
Where did this illness come from? And more importantly, how did I hit the “Mental Health Jackpot Award?”
Well, there is no easy answer! At the end of the day I have two options… get bitter or get better. I’d like to say most days I choose to get better, but if I’m honest some days I divulge into becoming bitter! I often wonder what my life would be like If I wasn’t bipolar… would I have a normal life with a normal job? Would I still deal with this insatiable irritability?
Would certain noises still be like knives ripping through my head?!
Would I have made the same choices growing into adulthood?
What If I didn’t make those choices? where would my life have led me…
Would I be in Maine? Would I have done better in school?
How different would my life be?!
The possibilities could feasibly chew me up and spit me out. I have to find solace in the fact that my life turned out the way it did and I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be…
Some days my bipolar feels like there’s a beast underneath my skin trying to claw, scratch, and chew its way out from the inside.
I know there isn’t, and it’s just tension built up in my body from my bipolar.
Some days my blood boils over inconsequential things, other days I feel on top of the world, like I can conquer anything I set my mind to.
Surprise, surprise! That’s the manic side of my bipolar disorder!
I’ve had to realize that my disorder is not unique to me! There are hundreds if not thousands of people out there just like me. They may not be exactly like me but they all have variations of my
Symptoms. We all share commonalities, Such as feeling like we’re special, cut from a different cloth as if we have some sort of unique significance indicative to our lives. Or even knowledge that only we have, and others don’t… None of that is true! except for the fact that there are thousands of people with the same story.
It’s akin to the crescendo at the end of a suspenseful movie. when you find out the truth, or the plot twist and all is revealed!
well for us. it’s realizing. Our reality is not reality, our reality, is fabricated, manufactured, Mickey Mouse tales that drive us to a certain breaking point.
But the alternate ending is realizing that we have to take our mental health seriously and do the hard things, to enjoy the simple things, such as a day without delusional/ manic episodes. But rather, days filled with laughter, family, and memorable experiences!
When we learn to pull back the veil and realize that our life, our prior perspective or even current perspective may be tainted by our bipolar brain… It’s then we learn to move past the delusional narratives.
This was a great piece