Memories! Where do they end up in the face of trauma?
Will the truth of who we were ever come back? More importantly, should it?
There are numerous sources out there to discuss this viewpoint. But to genuinely get to the heart of the matter, we must dig more profoundly and more fervently than merely looking at the surface-level context.
It’s also a rather critical component to evaluate our situation. Memories are fickle and could come back in a matter of days; it could take years, or they might never come back. We don’t know definitively. Which, unfortunately, is not the answer most people want to hear. Or if the memories do, they may come back scattered and fragmented… numerous scenarios could play out regarding cognitive functions.
We have to ask ourselves this prescient question, would we be better off not knowing the truth of what occurred in our “lost
memories,” would it give us some level of closure to understand a past we don’t know about? I ask myself that constantly!
The scary part is if even half the things I have fragmented memories of were factual; it would be alarming.
And how do we even gauge the truth of our memories? No files are in a backroom labeled backup memories; you can’t just go to “the cloud” and look up exact copies of your memories. You might be able to uncover bits and pieces of them through therapeutic use. But then there’s the question are they 100% factual? Or have they been unintentionally altered with the advent of a mediator?
I know my past was checkered. There’s no surprise there; I know I’ve done outrageous things. This makes it even more challenging to assess the factual level of said memories because the person I am in my 30s, as opposed to my teen years, is like differentiating between the moon and the sun.
I mean, maybe with the advent of technology from Elon Musk, recovering those memories in their entirety could be a future reality, but for the time being, it isn’t.
So we have to deal with it.
We must come to terms with this fork in the road. There’s a strong probability that those memories are repressed or fragmented for a reason. And it’s not because you don’t want to remember how badly your favorite sports team blew a historic lead. No, we’re talking about legit trauma.
I’ve recently come face to face with a realization about characteristics of my own mental health and fragmented memories.
While I won’t fully comment on ongoing explorations with my counselor, I will say this… it’s not easy changing the lens through which you look at the world. With that said, to authentically do so and simultaneously make strides toward a better you and a better life, you need to take an honest look at everything involved.
However, in assessing memories, what if we could block them out, or more to the point, effectively erase them from our memory and not simply in a repressed manner, but legitimately erase them? Well, we can look at it from the Hollywood angle. I.e., “Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind,” and we can look at it from a medical point of view, such as “Dissociative Amnesia.”
Well, first, let’s look at the hollywoodized version of it and glean what we can from that perspective. Part of the plot line for the movie is this: “Much to his surprise, timid Joel Barish is shocked to discover that the love of his life, sparky Clementine, has had him erased from her memory. As a result, hurt and angry, Joel wants to pay her back in the same coin, going as far as to undergo a painless but intricate medical procedure to do the same.”
As things unravel, we see that you can’t sincerely erase memories, and there will always be a shred of recognition for someone who held a place in your heart, just as Kate Winslet’s character did for Jim Carrey’s character and vice versa.
The movie is, of course, wrapped up with a happy ending.
But it begs the question, what else would we unintentionally lose when we lose the memory of a loved one or, in other regards, generalized memories? I would venture to say more than we realize…
I’ll use a personal story to flesh out this thought process when I drove up to Maine for the first time to meet my now-wife. I was so put off by the concept of driving on the highway that I took the back roads up here. That ended up being a nearly 9 hr drive, one way… I wisely took the advice from my now father-in-law and took the highway back. I was anxious about it for a variety of reasons. And suffice it to say, it wasn’t as scary as I made it out to be in my head, but going into it, I knew I couldn’t do another 9 hr drive, and I needed to get home on a relatively quicker timeline, So, like I said I took his advice. And even in mass traffic with all its glory, I wasn’t anxious to the degree I had been before.
At any point after that, when the thought of driving on the highway came up, I opted to take the highway and was more comfortable in general concerning driving on the highways. So you see, with the roadmap of the movie, that whole personal development would be erased and forgotten. Maybe something else would pop up to take its place, but there’s no guarantee that it would stick. It stuck there because I was making multiple trips back and forth to Maine. That’s 6 hrs at a wack, one way! At that point, it follows this logic “Sink or swim.” I needed to get there, and I needed to get home. There were no other viable options available.
You take that away and put me in a position I can take back roads to and from local places. I will take the local roads and make it a nice leisurely drive. Ergo, no personal development story. Do you see the connection being made there? You’re not simply erasing a person from your memories; no, you’re erasing so much more than that. Now let’s look at it from a medical point of view. Usually, concerning the medically affected situation, it’s not of your own volition.
This instance is about “Dissociative Amnesia.”
”In dissociative amnesia, the information lost would normally be part of conscious awareness and would be described as autobiographic memory.
Although the forgotten information may be inaccessible to consciousness, it sometimes continues to influence behavior (e.g., a woman who was raped in an elevator refuses to ride in elevators even though she cannot recall the rape).
Dissociative amnesia is likely underdetected. Prevalence is not well-established, but estimates range from 0.2 to 7.3% (1).
The amnesia appears to be caused by traumatic or stressful experiences endured or witnessed (e.g., physical or sexual abuse, rape, combat, genocide, natural disasters, death of a loved one, serious financial troubles) or by tremendous internal conflict (e.g., turmoil over guilt-ridden impulses or actions, apparently unresolvable interpersonal difficulties, criminal behaviors).”
I have persistent flashbacks that roar their ugly head, and I wish I could stop them from popping up. But would I have them “erased?” Not likely. I would much more likely take some meds to deal with the situation at large and take steps to air out what I have going on in my head to a licensed clinician. Because to them, as counselors, this will be a familiar story. Some of the details may be different. But generally speaking, they’ll have dealt with situations of this magnitude regularly and have the tools to help along the recovery process. They, as clinicians, won’t be looking at you with two heads like you’re out of your gourde, and in most cases, you are. That’s likely why you’re seeing a clinician, to begin with, but they’ll know how to address it properly and effectively.
The question remains: Will I be the same person if I uncover the truth of “who I was” at a particular point in my life? Sometimes, it may be earth-shattering to know who you were before a moment of trauma. But here’s the reassuring part. You’re not that person anymore, and you don’t have to live there anymore. Now that you know what the deep dark secret hiding in your closet is. You can Move on.
Now I say that very cavalierly, and the truth is not always that easy to digest. But you’ll know the source of your unrecognizable pain that haunts you and is disturbing your life as it is. In some cases, it will rock your world. But you’ll have a piece of the puzzle back. With that said, sometimes… it is better not to know (on paper, at least); other times, there are many reasons to know who you were to understand life.
After all, can we honestly say to ourselves it’s always the morally acceptable policy to let sleeping dogs lie…?
For the illustrative perspectives, we’ll look at the plot twist of two movies, so fair warning If you’ve never watched these movies, there will be spoilers ahead.
The two movies are: “the number 23” and “Shutter Island.”
What do these movies have in common? They both address the raw nature of discovering who you were before a significantly traumatic moment that changed you forever.
The contrast is in the outcome of said scenarios. For example, We look at “Shutter Island” This movie’s ending and supporting scenes add to the plot twist and are filled with controversy. But if you take the ending at face value, you’re left with this.
As well as this subsequent perspective:
If you digest it, this quote packs quite the punch: “Andrew tells Dr. Sheehan – “You know, this place makes me wonder… Which would be worse? To live as a monster or to die as a good man?”
At the heart of everything, you have to ask yourself that! If you’ve faced a traumatic experience and have unintentionally blocked out memories due to the event that took place and then have recovered parts of those memories in one way, shape, or form down the road. However, upon doing so, you recovered a part of you that was filled with severe trauma. What’s your recourse?
Depending on the severity of the trauma, you may want to forget about it again. But it’s too late; you’ve opened Pandora’s box…
Well, in some cases, that past trauma may have looming consequences. For that Illustrative concept, we look to the spoiler of the movie “The Number 23.”
Link to the ending of the number 23 explained.
But let’s dive into that concept, shall we, if you committed terrible acts or deeds toward people. What would you do when you came out the other side and realized what you’ve done in your past? Realistically what could you do…? More often than not, the answer is nothing!
The fallout from said actions most often is that people have cut you off and are no longer in communication with you. What about more significant offenses, though? What then?!
We don’t live in a movie, so you have to lick your wounds and keep moving—no more, no less. Life’s not always pretty, nor does it always have a happy ending.
The Ending you get is the ending you work to create. So win or lose, you’ll get out of life what you put into life, simple as that.